@ a man in my dream @

for the first time i had a dream with a man' s face ... i saw him clearly but now it is blurred on my thought ... maybe because of my oblivious state of mind or maybe he wants to see me in my dream without any memory of his face and acts so it will be like the first time... i saw him looking at me and that makes me smile ... though i know it is not real but at least i felt a feeling that i cannot describe... i hope that i can see him again tonight so i can remember his face and maybe i can see him around... is that him that i saw... will be a man of mine ...

frOm here to TherE

pointing somewhere like counting stars at night in the wide dessert land ....
hoping i have a hawk eye to see them clearly with my sight ....
thinking from here to there a nowhere to run ...
like my feet can feel the rush of blood but not the emotion from within ...

cluttered thoughts that hardly can fix ...
or to put them together so i can have the answers...
like a puzzle or a maze that is so difficult to be done ...
looking so far like seeing a castle from a child's mind ...

hearing the breeze of the wind from the waves of the sea...
like a fruit in the farm knowing if it is sweet or not...
life is simple looking from it's face ...
but so complicated if you can hear what they say ...

kids to grown ups , like new to old ....
like a sweet melody from a mother cuddling her son...
sometimes it is clueless where to find what you want ...
but clearly in your heart what it say on your mind ...

sAbi na Eh!

sabi na nga ba talaga.... ang buhay di fairytale... kasi walang talking pig ,walang flying elephant, walang gold pot sa end ng rainbow, walang prince at princess na tumatakbo sa maze ng garden sa likod ng palasyo at higit sa lahat wala namang happy ending talaga... ganun ba talaga' minsan mahirap intindihin pero kaylangan mong maunawaan... kaylangan ang space ng understanding mo sa brain is kasing wide ng toll gate papasok ng manila... at ang pasensya mo is kasing haba ng traffic sa edsa... minsan kung iisipin mo ang buhay mo mapupuno mo ng regrets, pagsisisi at kung anu pang bagay na magpapalungkot sa buhay mo... kung pwede nga lang di ba tayo na ang gumawa ng plano ng buhay natin na walang makikialam kundi tayo lang... noone else kundi ikaw... minsan gusto mo pero ang daming pumipigil sa'yo... ang daming bagay na dapat intindihin at kung minsan kinakalimutan mo na lang kahit sandali... sabi nila para maless ang pain sa buhay just try to see kung anu ang sa iba ... para mas masabi mo sa sarili mo na mas ok ka... na bless ka kaysa sa kanila... uu naman i am super bless ... may pamilya, kaibigan, maraming mababait na tao sa akin, at higit sa lahat may God' siguro part ng plan ... sa ngaun di ko pa alam kung anu ba ang plan... uu takot ako... uu i feel fear... tao lang eh' pero sana magawa ko... di naman ako nag eemote ... kasi i'm glad naexperience ko, siguro enough na un para matuto ... di naman madali ang buhay... isipin mo nalang kung sila nagawa nila... kaw din makakaya mo' dapat siguro date pa... kung may nakita akong kalaro nun at may gold spoon sa bibig inagaw ko na... joke ' pero kidding aside ... uu bakit hindi ... pero hindi eh' ganun talaga... kanya kanya un eh ' pero salamat sa lahat ng taong nakasama ko kahit ilang araw lang ... i salute them for doing a great job para sa sarili nila at maging sa pamilya... maraming mababait na tao... sabi nga ni paulo coelho... if u want something the universe will help u para makuha mo at magawa mo... magiging favorable sau ang lahat ... pero siguro hindi un sa akin ... mahaba pa ang buhay ... may chance pa... see the boy sa alchemist ... dami nya din ginawa... di naman sya tumigil sa buhay until na achieve nya ang goal nya at the end... salamat kay God kasi naexperience ko un' salamat sa pagpapahiram sa akin ng bagong mundo, siguro pinakita lang Nya na hindi ako para dun' siguro nga .... tnx sa life , learning, appreciation ... sana magawa ko' at sana sa susunod flying colors' simple lang ang gusto ko ... lahat naman ng tao simple lang din ang gusto... un maging masaya enough na un para magpatuloy ka' atze fight ! atze aja! kaya yan ' =)

a cup of coffee

a sachet of instant coffee from the grocery my mom just bought a couple of days ago... instant... on my fave cup... pour hot water and then i have a warm cup of coffee...

and the taste ??? its different ' maybe there is missing or maybe it's too much ... maybe the content... or maybe the packaging =)) ... maybe the water or maybe me... i still like my own made cup of coffee ... maybe i just made a perfect one for myself and i just do like mine... =))

just like in real life ... your the one who knows what is best for you , what do you want and what can satisfy your cravings ... you know what is too much and what is less... what to expect and what to forget...

the life you have... is what you do... you made it ... no one else can be blame or praise... cause you yourself have control over all the things you want to include to your life ...

just make the right taste of life you want for yourself and enjoy it like drinking a warm cup of coffee made perfectly for you and maybe or say, better share it with people who you want to share a taste of life that you made best for all. '',

lesson learned...

now never say ops ... it happened again... cause you want it to happened... you allowed it and gave permission to be done... and hope that someday when you are going to pass the same path, you will not fail to do the right thing and this will allow you to grow and be brave to face life...


1. love self

2. love self

3. love self

4. love self

5. love self

6. love self

7. love self

8. love self

9. love self

10. love self


and so on...


after you have done these ... you can now move to love others... and by that time you will love the right person and be love fairly just like giving your same love to yourself.

i love my friends

" i want to be in the middle cause here i have a better view and i still have the same hope that someday a wounded feelings will be mend and heal " as Boy Abunda said in the Buzz... so true if you are a real friend you have to be in the middle so you can be a way to help them to heal wounds someday... though so hard to be a part of the issue that in the first place you are not included... but still as a friend i am always here to be your friend and that's the way till we grow old. i love you both' =)

an inspiring stOry...

inspired by the book titled " Rainbow's End " by Irene Hannon, i haven't finished it yet but i was caught in the part of the story telling how important for us to have faith in God... especially in the times that we are been drown by sadness cause of our lives here on earth... conversation between Keith and Jill talking about why Jill have a strong faith to God even after the tragic situation that she was been through ... " how? what happened next? he prompted. " i stopped searching for answers." confused and he stared at her " what do you mean ?" " i stopped asking why"... " that's it?" " Yes! " ... " i dont understand " she leaned forward, earnest and certain " neither did i. and in the end i realize i never would.that's my point. the thing is, Keith,God's ways aren't our ways.His plans surpass all our understanding. seeking a logical explanation for what happened to me... it doesn't make sense to even try. there is no logical, human answer. only God knows why I was given that cross. someday, when He and I are face to face, i might be given the wisdom to understand.but for now, its beyond me. i had to learn to accept without understanding." ... how inspiring it was even this woman been through a painful part of a story in her life where she lost her husband and daughter in the fire... and having the big scar over her half face that made herself isolated to everyone for almost three and half years ... she was a good woman indeed... a good sister, a good mother, a good wife and a good human and came a time where she had this hard times in her life but still get back to the path of having faith to her Creator... all of us have different down falls, have different problems and pain cause by lost of love ones, jobs , friends, power, wealth, and everything around us ... say that in some degree we are far from each others... so true everyone is totally different from others ... so important for us to get our strength to move on to the One that gives us strength and power to keep on moving and continue living on earth. believe that He is always listening and His hands will work for us... just believe and lay all your worries in His guide and you will see He is giving you the answer... we don't always need to understand, sometimes we have to accept what God's plan for us... because He already had a plan and we are just here to follow it... and everything that's happening in our lives are part of it... there are always a reason to everything... just lead the way that our God given us... follow Him and God will be with us forever.

eNough !!!

hard that you felt the blame from all of these crap?!?!? to all the things that are not set and done... why you feel the burden but not feeling mine ... how selfish are you that you can tell me the truth unconsciously but like stabbing me twice... don't say anything more so we can still have what we had... don't do more step cause it 's not worthy anymore... so useless that you have learned my importance... these cannot undo what been done... now that i am loosing my grip on one thing that left for us... maybe left for me for the man that i loved... i am letting go' like i am releasing myself from the thing that i hold on to for such a long time... how many years but don't matter on you for you always thinking about you and you... i am always listen but your heart never listen on mine... i know this is pain and i know how painful this is but hoping to embrace these pain so after this i can still know what is important... i am falling to no where but i am looking forward for my eyes to be open that i finally hit the ground and feel the moment that i finally letting you go out of my hands.

how to Treat a wOman

woman, girl, female, lady, mother, sister and so on ... different names but all have the feminine heart and spirit... no differences at all ... so how you deal with your mother, sister or daughter should be no differences ... because a part of you come from them' a part of a woman understand you no matter what and a part of them share real love and fashion that makes who you are ... there are no other rules just handle them with love and care ... man and a woman have a lot differences from the way they moves, think, act, speak and show their emotions ... many books explain it from the anatomical to psychological, to lots of aspect of life ... illustrate how man and woman differ from one another ... on the way they solve and deal with the situation connecting on how a woman's anatomical body develop from the neurons, brain and even the hormones that we have ... and even scientific explanation try to clearly show the difference... but on same ground a woman understand man from who they are and what a man is ... we always heard the note " yah cause they are man... and a man will always be a man ... see' how these old thinking about men are still in this world even changes happen from time to time but a woman knows that ' and a woman understand and there is no need to explain ... but how come a man can't even understand a woman are not like them... woman love a man with all heart , with all what they have... man keep telling about a woman too much drama ... too emotional ... but you never ask them why a woman loves man too much ... because that's how woman love ... with fashion, devotion and a wide understanding that keeps a man to feel love and care ... just like a man needs love also a woman does ... we all need to be love, care, treasure and handle with warm hand and loving heart and giving yourself to the one because that's how a woman should be treated and there will be no other woman that can love you and care for you from who you are more than they can do for you ... just love them and show how important they are as part of you being a man .

A soldiEr in Me

Like a soldier in the desert, moving his feet even wounded. his body dripping with blood and heart beating together with pain. this is how he feels all along in the desert. hoping to have a companion but no one came along. seeing him walking break my heart cause i know how hard it was for him to walk with body that almost can't move. but as a soldier he was trained to be strong and brave to whatever battle came to his journey. just like ordinary person who is passing through this earth with lots of pain and forlorn. no one can help but you yourself have to fight along and once you pass through that journey and survive you can feel the success of what you had been through... and life continue with all of these again and again as long as you live...and that what life is... given the chance to be a person gives you the added baggage of what life taste like here on earth. happiness, sadness, freedom, power, pain, anger, love, forgiveness and so on. life is wonderful, life is good and life is what He gives to us for us to learn what we should have to learn. and for us to feel His love and help. sometimes you see yourself starring at nowhere and sometimes you see yourself crying at the corner. but it is alright cause He sees you along and He is helping you through it in the way the you can feel love and care. although sometimes no one is around for you and most of the time you are trying to be brave enough to face it alone and not asking help to anyone and even don't want to involve your love ones, but you are not by yourself along that journey if you trust and believe on Him, He carried you when you can't move your feet and when you can't think of what you have to. He embrace you when you are cold and full you with your emptiness and loves you the whole time with no condition and that's how He holds you as His child... life is different , life is difficult, life is a battle and that is life full of things that sometimes you can't explain why it is happening. life gives everything that everyone should be taste ... taste of laughter, taste of success and victory, taste of every feelings and emotion that it has around us... He wants us to see life with Him and follow the path you have here with you holding His hand so you can't be alone. i know everything will be just fine. i know He see me and i know how much God loves me... and remember all the things that i have learn and experience through this part of my journey. be strong be intelligent and be a man geared up with His love... like the soldier in the desert that i know he will recover from all of his wound and again will continue to be a soldier trained through his life with courage and determination to win his battle as what he is in this land.

new chapter of life

we are getting old. admit it or not' we have to do our own way to different path, on our own separate fate and heading on what should we have to be done' nakakalungkot sabihin pero eto na un... aminin man natin sa hindi nararamdaman na natin un... ngaun palang nalulungkot na ako kasi may kanya kanya na tayong buhay... pero just like what you said we are connected ... maybe our tiniest nerve may sariling code to give impulse from axon to dendrites to neuron to brain to heart or whatever path ang dinaanan ng impulse na yan para sabihin na magkakaibigan tayo o higit pa sa tunay na magkakapatid... pero eto na... sabi ko nga magkakapatid tayo iba iba lang ang surname ... eheheh' maybe in our past life magkakapatid tayo at ngaun pinaghiwahiwalay ng tadhana pero luckily nagkatagpo tagpo...

at ngaun we are heading on our own ... ibang chapter na ... walang nakakaalam kung anung buhay ang magiging buhay natin pero sana ung pinagsamahan natin di mawala un memory un tawanan na hanggang madaling araw at di pa nakuntento may next session pa... ung walang humpay na kain na parang fiesta at bday sa daming food... eheheh' sa kung anu anung trip na minsan hirap ding masakyan... ung tantrums na bawat isa... ung lahat ng bagay na napag-usapan, napagkwentuhan at lahat ng bagay na ginawa natin na kung sa iba simple lang pero sa atin sobrang superb kung superb... eheheh ' basta mahal natin ang isa't isa at no doubt un kahit mag lie detector test pa tayo... my tears continuously dropping while i'm writing all of these... kasi dito un nanggaling sa puso ko kahit sabihin nyo na minsan walang sense o kahit sabihin nyong finally nag level up na... pero one thing for sure ung pagmamahal na ibinigay ko nang una sa inyo nung naging magkakalapit tayo is still the same hanggang ngaun... sana dumating un time na may sari sarili na tayong buhay , sariling pamilya , mga anak , mga apo... at sana magkakaibigan pa rin tayo kasi i treasure everyone of you dito sa heart ni atze' i love you guys... lori, miko en yui ... =)

afraid of it

i am not brave enough to face what i am heading for ... i am afraid of truth and reality of what i am doing ... do i really heading my life with blinded eyes and numb heart ... or i am just surely ignoring what is true or not ... i am scared of what will i be alone ... i am scared to be left behind ... though i am being left behind ... i am afraid of walking in my path by myself but actually i am doing it for so long ... do i have to ask why or i have the answer clearly laid on my table... maybe i am pretending like a happy person but clearly i am not ... i am not a happy person ... why always depend myself on others ... why i am always setting what they want not what i want ... i know i have to face the present and the present gives me what i have to do and done ... wake up!!! please wake up!!! please make yourself happy ... please set yourself free ... please be happy ...

living for a moment

now is the time that you are passing through and every time that it passed had already gone and become a memory .... so don't waste any of it ... make your life a treasure with overflowing of memories that can last forever and ever.

Fight

what are you fighting for? what am I fighting for? we continuously fight in our every day life ... part of the world we live in... and what is a fight? fight is an action that wants to win and get what it desires... there is a different type of fight... a good fight, a great fight and a bad fight ... a good fight is the one your heart desire... a treasure that can be could because it is what your heart wants. no one tells you what are you going to fight for... it is all depends on you... all of us have been in a fight ... a different fight and a different desire... some wants fame, money, power, love, dignity and etc... all for one thing and that is a fight... seeing people achieve their dreams give us inspiration and a good story that helps us to strive in our own fight ... everyone wants to win ... wants a goal... wants what they really looking for... no matter what you are fighting for ... it is all what you really want to have... it is what your heart tells you to have ... the fight that can make you happy... not only for your own self but also for others... it depends on your own desire ... on your own hard work... on your own work... we all have to fight... and we have to do is fight with all our heart... we all need is to fight... FIGHT!!!

Pain by nobody

a person who is nobody and never be somebody... he claimed that title and he deserved it... he is the king of nobody... luckily that i saw his nobody face once... cause it just a waste of time to meet and see a nobody person around.

No Title but with emotion

looking at my blog and starring in a blank space ... i need to write something just what i thought ... and here I'm typing ... the first thing come up... is what will i write? what will be the title... and until now i don't know what should i write... blank space, blank mind and blank emotion ... maybe numb, maybe used to it and maybe it is something not to feel and think about ... now I'm hearing the raindrops outside ... it sounds so calm and yet the winds that accompany the rain feels so sad ... what should i feel now? do i have to continue feeling so sad and think about it again and again ... I'm one of the few people who become sad because of rain ... don't actually know why ... please rain don't make me sad ... weighing my feelings ... i want more happiness that sadness which everyone loves too ... of course' but why things going so bad when you are trying to be the happy ... i don't need much, i don't feel other, i don't want fight, i don't want pain and i don't want anything more ... all i want is what i love ...

what true love mean?!?

i just have finished reading " dear john" just a couple of hours ago... story quite affects me in some sense, actually i was been blown away by the reality of what love was the writer wants to see and feel on the book. though i know what love is and i believe that everyone of us knows what it is, but in seeing the consequences of what it can bring... somehow its hard to be true... if you choose the right thing that you believe is right no matter how hard it will turns to you, no matter how sadness it will bring to your life, you will still stand from the moment that you declare your decision on choosing what you think is best for you and for someone to the day you are gone...


true love means only happiness to someone you love even though you are not included in his/her life anymore... love means peace, joy and happiness and not pain and hurt ... if your love turns and bring pain and hurt it is not love anymore... you are just continuously bringing yourself to your own forlorn and sooner or later you will not be able to bring yourself out from the darkness that turns to you...


the most part i remembered in the book is when John visit Tim in the hospital for the last time before going back to Germany, this is when Tim confess his love to Savannah and how much he love her more than anyone else... and he believes that John love the same girl in the way that he can and even more... he worried about what will happen to Savannah when he is gone and being alone with Alan... he wants a better life for her and he does not want her to handle the situation that no doubt is coming... he knows how much Savannah loves John and how much happiness it brings to the life of the girl he loves much... he only wanted nothing more than to see Savannah happy with someone like John... through that John realizes what is the best for all of them... and he did the right thing even it hurts him much and it only shows how much love he has for the girl he met way back years ago... he continue love the girl in the way that he believes the best...

See tHings diFferEntly

as a person grows old, he/she must evolve to someone who thinks maturely and sincerely... he/she disinter to the extend that everything lies on the table... nothing to hide and nothing to fear... seeing things differently learned through time and experience... if these situations give you something to learn... grasp it by heart and learn by soul... everything teaches us how to be a person in real... person with knowledge and courage about life... a person that can able to move his feet even wounded and look at sky with head up high... how i wish that everyone learns things that way, about life, career, family, love and so on...continuously we can able to achieve it... with our daily life experiences... soon all of us will have it... because through that sense we can able to enjoy what life brings to us.

WoRds

what word is in your mind right now?!?!? information, thoughts, nature, dreams and so on... i guess you will say words that are not so familiar to others or highly intellectual words that are used by some fields like in medicines, architectural and science... words are everywhere... just around the corner, on the street, on your screen, on your bills and so on... we are move by words even no one say it to you... you do an action on your own... words help us to communicate... communicate to all... to anyone just like I'm doing... i write words and say my thoughts... just like writers, they tell you stories through their books... these are tools that create a conversation and later on a relationship to others... sender conveys words to the recipients and through that emotions, feelings and thoughts are shared by one another... words can break and make... break a heart and make true love and share... my friend told me that before you say words or even write words think it not just twice, thrice make sure that words you will say makes a person goes on even how painful and true it is... its the way how we transfer or deliver words... cause you can't take it back whatever you have said.. right... these are how words become so powerful... make you believe and make you to mistrust... make you to be encourage and dismay .... make you to grow and make you stagnant ... but after all words are created so everyone of us will enjoy the greatness of it's own words.

Taste of failure

In reality no one has ever not encounter the taste of failure .... well everyone does.
Not everyday you have the colors of life... you can be in the dark shade of life... part of part to make it balance and to make it equal to everyone... sort of sweet and bitter taste just like some say...Sad part of life but this is the way for us to strive harder and look for the other side...
Maybe you are at the wrong side of your path that's why life is not favorable at you from the start.
Or simply maybe the time for you to grow as you is it's not yet the right time.It is not you who experience it, glad you have it cause it means that you are capable of what failure can bring... you are able to stand on what this situation can bring to you....you are strong.... =)
Wait for that time and trust Him that He will provide what you desire... And continue to dream and hold on to what you want in life.

appreciation and acceptance

Many of us do appreciate things around us. which is a wonderful action to do.it gives us a chance of being gratitude of what lies on it.well some don't see it, cause maybe they have a cluttered mind or maybe they are too busy of things ahead. they are over occupied of what is not yet happening.Over thinking of the future makes less of happiness but i am not saying its wrong cause thinking of the future is planning about your life but what I'm trying to say is that try to appreciate what the present gives you. Enjoy every moment of it cause you can't turn back your head and do what is already past.Be patient of what you are dreaming about, its already written in your path and no matter what happen it will be done in the right place and time. Keep on dreaming and believing. Live in the present because it shows appreciation of what you have.

Acceptance is like being prepared. Accepting of good and bad things. Its like organizing your heart and mind of what will be on the future. And by that you will be as strong as all those superheroes. Preparing and mind setting are factors that will contribute to your personality to become strong and standing still.

Both give us reality check, appreciation and acceptance. God gave us everything we need. He just want us to learn everything from all of things that are already given.Living in the world of full of appreciation and acceptance makes life so wonderful.

an Escape

i love writing ... I've done so many writings in the past but i continue to share what i love to do ... this is a way of escape from things that happen in reality of me ... this is like an escape cause here i am the one who write ... the one with the power to control over the keypad and mouse ... i can do whatever i want to the letters ... make it bold, simple, italic and even with different colors ... here i can used words that i like to use to make a sentence, to make a phrase or even nonsense ... i can put words together to make you read my thoughts after i finished it ... i don't care whatever you say after reading it ... but for me it's like spreading my wings and express my thoughts as of this moment ... hope you will find this kind of thing such a wonderful escape in life...